I remember when my first baby turned one… we had a big party celebrating us as a family for the first year.

I remember when my second baby turned one… we had a small party celebrating our friends sticking with us despite a colicky baby.

I guess we have chosen to celebrate where we are at, and Annabel’s birthday celebration was no exception. I will be attending four births in Holmes County with another midwife, and I needed to call on those ladies. I took Annabel with me because it was going to be a very long day. I took Finn with me to look after Annabel. I took Shepherd with me to accompany Finn. We brought toys, snacks, a picnic blanket, dvd player, the stack of dvds that we have had since the boys were born, and the promise of “lunch out” at the end of the day. I think I saw the first lady around 9am, the last around 2pm… there was a lot of driving, expectations, waiting, etc… And they really did great. We had lunch out, went to a thrift store where Annabel pitched her first in-store fit, and then headed home where we had a delicious dinner with our farm-mates and a yummy birthday cake prepared by Kathy.

Every year on the boys’ birthday, I tell them the story of their birth. So far they have not grown tired of it. One day they will, I’m sure, roll their eyes with an “I know, mom”, “a thousand times, mom” and that will be fine. But right now they just sit and listen to their birth story, but with Annabel’s they get to participate with details and opinions… because they were participants in her birth! Which still is crazy to me…

It was the day before my due date, September 13, 2015. We were at church, and I had a sign that labor was going to begin. I’ve never had a sign before…not one that I recognized anyways, and I came out of the bathroom telling Doug that we were going to have a baby within 24-48 hours. Now, at this point we were still living in the shed/chicken coop/workshop which is not quite 500 square feet, just across the yard from Grandma, and just up the hill from the Lane’s camper, with no running water… we were using the outhouse around back, and Grandma’s basement shower. Due to these living accommodations, I cannot tell you how many people offered me to have my baby at their home. But I would just say “thank you but no” for various reasons, but top two would be: I assumed I wouldn’t have time to go anywhere because I birth quickly… and if you are planning a homebirth, why would you choose to drive somewhere to have your baby?

After church, we went to the grocery store to stock up on food, assuming that we wouldn’t be going anywhere for the next few days/weeks. But while we were in there, I turned to Doug and said “you know, we could drive to your parent’s house today, and have the baby there”. Just typing that now makes me think “WHAT?” who would do that! Haha! Go to your in-laws house to have your homebirth? That sounds crazy. I’m not sure if I know ANYONE that would do that. But we have a pretty special relationship with them, they are less than two hours away from us (making them only 30 minutes from my midwives), their home is so cozy, and I knew they would take good care of us. So we headed back to the farm where I rested, hung out with our friends, and got ready to go. It was a relaxing time and I was in no hurry. I was only having a contraction about every hour.

When we arrived in German Village, it was around 8pm. Doug and the kids settled down for a snack, and I went upstairs to get in the tub just to relax. Doug put Sigor Ros on the ipod for me, lit some candles, and I about fell asleep in that garden tub. It was such a peaceful time, I truly relaxed, felt empowered and loved. By the time I got into bed, it was about 11pm and I was ready to go to sleep. I told Doug that we should just be prepared to wake in the early morning to have a baby. My contractions weren’t that noticeable, I had 15-20 of them since 12pm that day. So all warm and clean I climbed into bed and shut my eyes.

Five minutes later I felt a contraction coming on… And it kept coming and coming, I slithered off the bed and started crawling to the bathroom yelling to Doug “OK, that was different!”, and in the background I heard him calling my midwives and calmly saying “I think it’s time.”

Now, you know all those blessed youtube videos where the mama is peaceful, barely groaning, smiling at the peak of the contraction, gazing lovingly into her husband’s eyes? Those depictions of birth are so nice, aren’t they? I’ve been to many births like that, they do happen… But not to me. So, now picture a wild, growling, cursing, 40 week mama that is ignoring everyone, getting louder and louder with each contraction! And that’s me. Just want to make sure you get the picture clearly.

Annabel was born in 2 hours… And some of my actions were following my instincts, and that was good, some were me following my mind, and that was not as helpful. Before birth I told Doug I wanted to labor in the tub because I had never done it before, and desperately wanted to give it a try. I told him “I won’t want to get in, but I want you to make me regardless”. WHAT MIDWIFE SAYS THAT? That’s not following the instincts of birth, people. So like a good husband, he strongly encouraged me to get in the tub, and like a woman in labor, I did as he suggested. Now, don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t bad for me or baby, it just wasn’t what my body was telling me in labor… which means I was going against my body rather than working WITH it. Does that make sense?

At 12:40am I felt my first push, outside the tub. And my body said, “Stay put, this is working”, but my mind said “You’re in the bathroom, how will the boys and midwives and husband all crowd in here to help? You’re not going to be able to catch your own baby and she will land head first on a hard floor! Get up and go to the bed! Afterall, you only pushed 3 times with Shep.” So I walked to the bedroom and got in the bed. I needed to be prepared to catch my baby.

With Annabel I pushed for 35 minutes, which I realize is not that long, but it felt like forever. I had asked my midwives to allow me to have an unassisted birth, they gave me that gift by actively waiting and watching, available and supportive at any moment. The boys and Doug sat near my head, and Doug prepared the boys for “mama’s roar” as each contraction was building. Shep every once in a while peered to see what was happening, and at one point gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to reassure Finn and Doug that things were progressing.

I pushed out my baby at 1:12am on September 14th… and no, i did not catch her, she about skipped off the bed! The first thing said was from Shepherd, a loud and happy “hip hip hooray!” and a fist in the air. Doug and I responded with a “hip hip horray”, I was so glad to be done.

It was dark enough in the room that instead of looking, I reached down (three times to be sure) to feel if it was a boy or a girl, and I just started crying. Doug had to ask me twice to tell them what the sex was of the baby, and I finally got out the words “it’s a GIRL!”.

Wow. Birth is so hard. It’s so natural. And it’s CRAZY that our bodies are created to get pregnant, carry a baby and give birth. (This pregnancy was my hardest, that will be saved for another blog post). But the whole process makes me feel empowered, womanly, vulnerable and strong.

So it’s been a year… a year of breastfeeding this little one, a year of hospitality to a new baby… a new person in our lives. Hospitality is life-giving and exhausting! She has definitely disrupted our lives (but I guess she started doing that the moment I took the pregnancy test!). She is fun and crazy. She loves her brothers, enjoys shouting and growling (maybe she was inspired by me during her birth), loves to nurse, plays games with daddy, gives more serious faces than smiles, talks constantly, started walking at 10.5 months and is now running, she loves wagon rides, babies and food.

Ok, so I’ve done it. I’ve written down the major details of Annabel’s birth. I’m so happy to have my wild child, sweet little bird. We call her Annabird. Annabel Mae, after myself and my Grandma. My Annabel of the Forest, may you grow up to be kind, truthful, understanding, compassionate, creative and able to see beauty in the ordinary.